


Disintegration

by happyjoylucky



Series: Thrill of the Heist [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Jealousy, Loneliness, M/M, kindness of strangers, long sad alone thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 11:14:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5088602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happyjoylucky/pseuds/happyjoylucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis takes time to think about his relationship with the boys and Niall gets him out of the house.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disintegration

**Author's Note:**

> I lied, the story of how they met won't be for another few chapters :(

It’s been about a week since I’ve talked to the boys. Well talked to, cried for, and left, the boys. Niall was being the best friend we all knew he was and let me stay with him and soak his shirts with my tears, letting me cry on his shoulder. I had done so every night and I wanted to check my phone for any messages from them but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. They wanted space, they hadn’t told me with many words, but I would give them what they wanted. I always did anyway.

 

I couldn’t remember being apart from them this long, or ever. Since I’d met them I’ve never been more than a few hours away from them and it makes me realize how dependent I’d become on them. I wasn’t sure if that made me feel weak for relying on them, or stronger because of the relationship I had with them.

 

 Just the thought of me questioning my own strength was scary. Before the boys, I was by myself. I was independent because I had to be. My family wasn’t really supportive of my choice to quit school to become a tattoo artist. So I got a few jobs, worked crazy hours, saved up, and bought my own tattoo kit to teach myself.

 

It didn’t take long till people started to admire my artwork and wanted it tattooed on them. So I did, and my work gained recognition throughout the country. I’d been featured in several ink magazines, tv shows, and the like. But I didn’t really have anyone to talk to or share my accomplishments with. And when Niall came along the enthusiastic boy was a force to be reckoned with. He would be excited with me and it was great to have someone around who understood me, but I still wanted more. I still felt lonely.

 

 And when I met the boys—that was when my entire life changed. It was like I was trying to search for something in a pitch-black room, blindingly reaching around for something, anything. And the boys were the ones who flipped the switch, illuminating my life, giving it meaning, giving me someone to be with, share with, love. I wasn’t alone anymore.

 

And that was why I couldn’t stop myself from crying. Because it was like someone was threatening to shut that light back off and I’d be left in the dark again. Sure the boys only wanted space right now, and maybe they’d call and take me back, but maybe they’d realize how much better off they’d be without me. How much they like having distance and space between us. How much freedom they had without me.

 

I’d had a reoccurring nightmare of running in the dark and all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears and my frantic breath. I’d call out for Harry and Edward, but my voice would just echo throughout the emptiness and I’d wake up in a cold sweat and tears every time, sometimes multiple times in the night.

 

Niall could hear me at night crying, but being the good friend that he was he wouldn’t say anything. He’d just hug me and tell me it’s okay to be scared sometimes, specifically that it’s okay to be scared of being alone.

 

That’s why somehow he thought it would be a great idea to go out tonight. It made no sense, but I was compliant. He was being such a great friend so the least I could do was fulfill a request to go out with him. Plus, he said if I felt like it we could come home whenever I needed to.

 

I’m looking in the mirror and I’m slightly horrified. My eyes look a swollen from tears and constant rubbing, I haven’t shaved so I look a bit scruffy, and I’m slumped over like the world’s weight is on my shoulders. I even sigh like a miserable sap.

 

I slap my cheeks a couple times before splashing some water on my face, wiping it away, and marching out of the bathroom, “You can do this, Tomlinson.”

 

I pull on my denim jacket and fix my fringe as I leave the guestroom. Niall is waiting on the couch, tapping away on his phone.

 

He looks up and beams at me, “Hey! Ready?”

 

“Yeah.” I manage a small smile.

 

\-- -- -- --

 

As soon as we get into the crowded bar I regret my decision. I was the one who chose the place and of course since there was alcohol, Niall was on board.

 

The building was alive with noise and drinks were flowing. We found a small table off to the side, the surrounding people already tipsy and involved with their own group conversations.

 

“I’m gonna go get us a couple beers.” Niall leaves before I can protest. I rest my head on the table and take a deep breath, _You can do this,_ I tell myself over and over again. Just as I sit back up, a hand is gripping my bum.

 

I jolt and turn to see who had the nerve to do it and there was a man, drunk by the looks of it, smiling lazily.

 

“Now who would leave a cute thing like yourself all alone?” he somehow speaks clear enough for me to understand him.

 

I narrow my eyes, “I’m not interested, move along.” I wish I had a drink to throw at him.

 

He doesn’t leave so I decide to go to Niall, who has just received our drinks. I tell him we lost our table and he easily accepts, handing me my beer and leaning against the bar. I remove my jacket before I can start sweating and drape it across the barstool. I sip at my beer and look around to people-watch. I don’t expect to see any familiar faces since the place is in the next town over from ours.

 

I don’t expect to see Harry and Edward there, but I do. And I definitely don’t expect to see Harry and Edward and Isabelle, but I do. My heart stops and I’m gripping my glass so hard I think I’m gonna break it.

 

They’re sat on either side of her, smiling and laughing and happy. I blink and my vision is blurring with tears. _Nononononono._

I turn to the bar and have to put almost all of my weight on it, unable to stand. Niall looks at me and asks if I’m okay and I can only nod in response. He knows I’m not but decides to give me a moment to breathe. When I turn to talk to him he’s gone and I’m left there confused as to where he’s disappeared. I scan the room, looking for the blond boy and I see him standing in front of the trio that I was hoping to avoid.

 

From what I can see he’s laying into them, his face is getting red, he’s gesturing over to me, and when the boys’ eyes land on me it makes me want to disappear. Harry looks at me with sincere sorrow and Edward can’t even look at me.

 

I decide that I can’t handle it and I start making my way through the crowd, trying to leave as quick as I can. When I exit the stuffy air of the bar and make it out to the cool air of the night I finally feel like I can breathe. I lean against the building and close my eyes, trying to catch my breath.

 

“You okay?” I look up to see a man leaning on the same wall a few feet away.  He’s smoking and I decide I need one.

 

“Yeah.” I eye the smoke floating into the air.

 

He starts taking out the pack from his jacket pocket and offers me a cigarette. I move over to him to grab it, “Thanks.” I place it between my lips and he sparks his lighter to life. He lights the end of it for me and goes back to smoking his own.

 

I take in the first drag of nicotine and tobacco and breath a sigh of relief. I was praying that they wouldn’t follow me out here, or that Niall wouldn’t let them follow me out.

 

“Rough night?” the guy asks again.

 

I nod, “Just needed a second. S’bit crowded in there.”

 

“I’m Greg.” He holds his hand out to shake and I take it.

 

“Louis.” A shiver rolls through me. He notices and starts to remove his coat.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to do that I can just—”

 

“Don’t worry about it.” He drapes it over my shoulders and I smile in appreciation, he’s fixing the collar of the jacket when it happens.

 

“What the fuck is this?” I spin around to see Edward being held back by Niall and Harry being held onto by Isabelle. I glare at her arm hooked around Harry’s and as if he senses it shakes her off.

 

“Louis I asked you a question.” Edward says in a deceivingly calm voice.

 

I glare challengingly at him, “None of your business, is it Ed?”

 

His jaw sets and he’s about to step forward but Greg steps in front of me, “Is there a problem?”

 

Edward comes face-to-face with him, Harry suddenly by his side. Both of them giving him the same livid look, “Yeah, my problem is that you’re getting cozy with my boyfriend.”

 

The word sends shivers down my spine. It’s like I’m shocked that he can even say it in front of Isabelle. It makes my heart leap into my throat and I don’t know how to feel. I feel happy and giddy and excited and…angry. How dare he not call me or try to talk to me for a week—seven days—then jump to conclusions and try to angrily fend off a harmless stranger.

 

“I’m not your boyfriend.” I say it loud and clear. Everyone is shocked. The boys’ glares falter, noticeably. Niall’s jaw drops and Isabelle…smirks?

 

“Yeah, bitch, they’re all yours. Happy now?” my voice cracks when I ask the question. The tears start to cloud my vision again and I’m getting choked up. I was doing this for them, I think. They seemed perfectly fine sitting in the bar with her, and they deserved to be happy. After all, I was selfish enough to take up so much of their time. I felt I owed them that happiness of being free from me.

 

“Baby—” Harry moves forward and I shake my head, telling him not to come any closer.

 

I take off Greg’s jacket and hand it back to him whispering a thank you. I start walking towards the car, not looking back. Niall follows, thank goodness, and hands me my jacket.

 

As soon as we get into the car I let the tears roll. I sob, my body shuddering and my chest aching. I hold my stomach as I scream out in frustration, anger, fear, and confusion. A whole range of emotions were searing through me, burning me. I don’t know why I was so upset, I made my decision and I have to live with it. Just like they made their decision and have to live with it.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't hate me...If it makes you feel any better I was almost crying writing about the relationship between Louis and the boys. I promise happiness soon!


End file.
